So Katie and I lived in Orlando together for four months and worked at Disney World. I worked retail at Downtown Disney, she worked at Rock and Rollercoaster. Be jealous. We lived in a little one-bedroom, first floor apartment and ate ice cream and drank fresh orange juice every day. On our days off we frolicked around the parks and ate amazing food (Teppan Edo for the win). I made a lot of friends and rode a lot of rides. Best four months ever. I could document the whole four months I was there, or I could just publish the note that I wrote of all of the observations my made during that time. The latter is easier.
May I present to you: Things I learned during my Disney College Program
–Some kids (usually those between the ages of 8 and 12 are just too cool for Mickey stickers
–There is no greater feeling than the phone ringing to tell you that you have a package in the office. It’s usually from your parents, and it’s usually something that you forgot at home.
–Most kids (usually those between the ages of 16 and 25) eventually come to the realization that they are once again cool enough for Mickey stickers.
–Velveeta? No. Tropicana orange juice straight from the Florida source is the TRUE liquid gold.
–If there is someone in the break room who is under the age of 30 and doesn’t have crazy eyes, they’re your new best friend for the next thirty minutes.
–If you ever see the bus from far away and run to try and catch it before the doors shut, it usually means the bus is early and you just made a fool out of yourself. It’s not going anywhere.
–I get off at 10:30pm? Whoo! Early shift! I’ll go shopping after!
–It’s funny how many little girls go get all glitterfied at the Bibbidi Bobbity Boutique to walk around all day looking like a princess and then freak out every time a cast member tries to give them any attention. Why did you get that done if you didn’t want the attention?!
–When the temperature drops below 70 in Florida, people act like there’s a blizzard outside. Seriously. I’ve seen gloves.
–When you’re visiting the park as a guest, you have the unbelievable urge to say “Happy Birthday!” obnoxiously to everyone wearing a “happy birthday” button, despite the fact that you’re not in costume and it would look creepy.
–And you’ve accidentally done it a few times.
–There’s nothing like an afternoon downpour to lull you into a nap.
–There are a lot of Giants fans who vacation in Florida, all of whom get very angry when you tell them that Team Mickey carries virtually nothing with Giants on it.
–There is nothing crueler than when someone walks into your store with a giant, delicious, Ghirardelli ice cream cone.
–I watch more game shows than a retiree.
–Every day spent at a park is a day well spent.
–Florida news is depressing. I mean, who wants to watch a story about a rape/murder with your thirty minutes of break time from a job that requires you to be happy and cheerful?
–No one ever knows what day of the week it is when you have to work every day
–By the end of a shift, my pocket is a wastepaper basket for assignment receipts.
–Dogs are man’s best friend. Pleats are woman’s worst enemy.
–“Sorry, we don’t have a cast member discount.” Well then why am I here?!
–Buffalo Wild Wings karaoke night is worse than the first two weeks of American Idol auditions.
–Line longer than 20 minutes? Not worth it. Next!
–You don’t know anyone’s last name until you add them on facebook.
–Anything you do sounds way more epic when accompanied by the Pirates of the Caribbean score.
–It takes about three days working in Tren-D to figure out where everything is. Fortunately they change the store around every two days.
–Get home from work at 12:32 am. Still gotta check facebook before collapsing into bed.
–The amount of merchandise that brandishes Mickey Mouse and his compadres that I will be bringing home after my program is kind of disgusting.
–Tales of the Velvet Lounge: “Do I just leave what I don’t want in the fitting room?” Why of course! I bet the person to use the room after you would just love a gallery of the clothes you didn’t look good in.
–I put the most random things in my lunchbox. Why yes, my dinner IS a granola bar, Doritos, carrot sticks, a Ferrero Rocher bon-bon and a piece of taffy.
–I’m pretty sure I have eaten ice cream every day since I got here.
–The culture shock I get when I return back to the real world is probably going to be worse than what most kids get when they return home from a study abroad in a foreign country. What? You mean comparing and contrasting the Disney Princesses in regards to their feminist aspects ISN’T a normal conversation?
–I forget what it feels like for my feet not to be hurting.
–I have a car, and am therefore a taxi service.
–I will be Disney-pointing until the day I die.
–There’s the awkward moment when a lady pays with money taken out of her bra. And then there’s the even MORE awkward moment when a lady pays with money taken out of her panties.
–I feel like I owe a letter of apology to the World of Disney for the amount of people I send there to look for items they probably don’t even sell
— I cried the first time I saw “The Magic, The Memories, And You.” And every time after that.
–Forget your watch: “Welp. Tasking’s gonna suck today.”
–Dumbest question I’ve heard so far: “Do you guys have any Seaworld pins?”
–Just what is it about Florida that makes middle-aged women feel like they’re entitled to wear low-cut shirts showing off their droopy boobs?
–I’ve seen The Laugh Floor show so many times I can quote all the taped parts.
–No one knows how to drive a stroller.
–No, we do not sell any Harry Potter pins. We also do not sell Tweety Bird pins. Nor do we have any Marvel Pins, but at least Disney owns Marvel so I commend you for at least knowing that. Or did you just think that Universal and Disney are the same thing like the rest of the world’s nitwits?
–Everywhere you go: cute custodial boys as far as they eye can see.
–You never know what to say when an angry old man approaches you and yells at you for not having a pin for the most obscure Disney character of all time. Sorry, sir. I’m afraid we’re all out of Bambi’s girlfriend, Faline.
–I don’t understand why people get all upset when Team Mickey doesn’t sell their team’s merchandise. I mean really. You’re from Minnesota, you come down to Florida to look for Twins merchandise? How about you look at home IN MINNESOTA.
–I bet they have some there. “Excuse me, but where is Circus-O-Lay?” Hahaha oh man are you about to walk to the other side of the planet. My question is, why didn’t you park in front of the giant white tent that says “Cirque Du Soliel” right on it?